Memories a Tad Too Sweet
A Review by Laurie Edwards
10/09/2002
Imagine what Beaver Cleaver's memoirs would read like. The fights at school, the first girl he ever made out with, shooting a bird with a BB gun and feeling guilty about it, adoring his older brother...all those things about being a red-blooded American kid would touch your heart—and maybe bore you stiff. Reading the Beav's memoirs, in the form of Adam Bagdasarian's new slice-of-kid-life short stories, First French Kiss and Other Traumas did both for me; about half the time I was charmed, and the other half I had a hard time keeping my eyes open.
On the up side are many wonderfully depressing memories of the narrator's childhood. The younger he is, the better the stories are, especially The Gum-ball Machine, in which he remembers the thrill of a long-hoped-for birthday present (the gum-ball machine) turning to confusion and then to emptiness.I cried because there was nowhere to go and nothing to do—because my tears could not make a magic carpet or an enchanted forest or a genie or a sprite. I cried because I thought I was always going to be five years old in that static day waiting for a gum ball machine that didn't matter. Bagdasarian writes smoothly, with a sometimes heartbreaking honesty about what it's like to be the kid of an overachieving (and overdemanding) father, how a kid can go from nobody to somebody at school with one quick line—and how that super-cool kid can lose his place at the top of the food chain in one hellish afternoon. If you don't remember these kids (including the narrator) from your early adolescence, you were homeschooled; you'll remember and despise Linda (...a girl who, though lovely, was looking for someone to love much as a boa constrictor looks for a small pig or owl to swallow), remember and be afraid of Mike and, mostly, you'll remember and feel for William telling his story. Hell, most of us were William (or tried to be), and Bagdasarian serves up our memories—good and bad—with a light touch that'll entertain you as you're lost in your own dredged-up junior high days.
So, yeah, it's funny, sad, and a bit scary to read First French Kiss—at first. Unfortunately, the book just doesn't go far enough; as you read, the feeling builds that this is Teen Years Lite, and Bagdasarian had too easy a time of it. The stories begin to come off like something that should be titled A Boy Scout Remembers because, with the exception of his father's death, it's all just too lighthearted. Bagdasarian was too good a kid for this collection of short stories to really affect you deeply. (Even the father's death isn't written as a major tragedy, though it's clear Bagdasarian loved the man dearly.) Finally, it's all seems a tad superficial, and the preteen memories—universal as they are—are kinda cheap.
Whether you enjoy French Kiss a lot or are just vaguely liking it will depend on how much depth and sincere feeling you need from your reading material. Are you content to laugh and cry at the memories that'll surface as you read, or do you require something a bit deeper, a tad more than the immediate emotional response? If you need more, you're in trouble; charming and festive it may be, but First French Kiss is no more substantive than the junior prom.
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