ApocalipstickAuthor: Margolis, SueGenre: General Novels Publisher: Delta Trade Paperbacks Released: 2003 |
A Review by Rian Montgomery
02/22/2003
Apocalipstick was actually funny at times, although my laughter felt fake since the humor was obvious and in-your-face. This book was easy to read, and the ridiculous plot fairly raced along. I did enjoy it for the first couple of chapters.
My enjoyment was short-lived. Not only was Apocalipstick full of raunchy personal feminine details and over-the-top sex scenes, but the twists and turns in the plot just were so implausible that I couldn't help alternating between rolling my eyes and laughing. Mind you, I was laughing because I was still reading it, not because anything struck me as particularly funny.
In this book we have a bevy of wacky characters. For the main heroine (if you could call her that) we have Rebecca Fine, a beauty columnist trying to get into investigative journalism. She can be somewhat likeable and funny but also quite a bit on the vulgar side. (There are many descriptions about personal feminine hygiene in this book that you don't want to know.) Then we have Max Stoddart, a guy who gets hired at the company for whom Rebecca works. Sexy, funny, and charming, he hits it off with Rebecca immediately. You have to wonder, is he really a nice guy or just stringing Rebecca along? There is also Bernadette (also known as Lipstick), is a childhood enemy of Rebecca's who suddenly emerged as Rebecca's father's soon-to-be-wife. Is Lipstick out to make Rebecca's life miserable, or is she truly as nice as she seems? And let me not forget Rose, Rebecca's grandmother. She deliberately (and sometimes quite cunningly) mispronounces several famous people's names to make them sound like dirty words and is constantly trying to set Rebecca up with any guy she can find. You won't believe the lengths she goes to find guys for Rebecca!
The characters are not the problem. They are funny, interesting and quirky. But the plot is where things start going downhill. Rebecca meets Max at work the day he gets hired, and after a rough start they hit it off extremely well and set up a date. Rebecca is so excited that while getting dressed for the date she goes into pretty explicit detail in her beauty and feminine regime. After a disastrous first date and a series of sometimes laughable mishaps the two of them start seeing each other more regularly. Meanwhile, Rebecca's grandmother is doing the craziest things to set Rebecca up with other men, going so far as to putting a personal ad out for her and lying about having medical problems for Rebecca to go to her house. The "medical problem" turned out to be a setup for her to meet a supposedly eligible man. I alternated between laughing at Rose's schemes and disliking her for her dishonesty.
Then Rebecca's father drops the bomb that he is marrying her old high school nemesis, Lipstick. Not only that, but Lipstick needs a place to stay until he gets back from his business trip—and who gets picked to put her up? Yep, Rebecca. Then Rebecca's best friend Jess finds her husband in a most...embarrassing situation while her and a bunch of their closest friends try to surprise him for his birthday one evening. Trust me, you do not want to know what it is they found him doing. I can only say it involves him, a rubber woman, and a couch.
Near the middle of the book the story start heating up. Rebecca suddenly finds out that a revolutionary wrinkle cream has a strange ingredient in it that causes people to go crazy. She and Lipstick become mastermind sleuths. Meanwhile, Max is constantly hanging around another woman and swears it's innocent.
I started getting disillusioned with Apocalipstick realized that I was able to predict everything that was going to happen. After too many things happened in the book that were just too darned good to be true, I started rolling my eyes. During the "suspenseful" parts, I was yawning. Finally, the things that happen are just way too convenient for Rebecca and her friends. Whatever happened to a little bit of reality in fiction? By 2/3 of the way through, the story was so fluffy, ridiculous, and impossible that I developed a headache. Another thing that I really disliked about the book was that every time an American was portrayed in the book (for instance, as a traveller or fellow diner in a restaurant), they were made out to be overweight, loud, and obnoxious. Now maybe I'm being a bit sensitive, but there were two or three situations in this book that featured rude and loud and fat Americans. (This book takes place in London). I find that insulting!
The only good things about Apocalipstick were that it was easy to read and funny at times, though the funny parts were an obvious type of humor, meaning you knew you were supposed to laugh at that particular scene. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't.
Apocalipstick is supposed to be like a mystery/chick-lit type of book, but the author, Sue Margolis, has penned an overly crude and ridiculous story. As for recommending this book to anyone, I don't, except for the following circumstances: if you like mindless prose, if you are in the mood for something completely silly and rarely amusing, or if you like crude, raunchy details and strange love scenes. However, if you like engaging, interesting and humorous storytelling, skip it. Honestly, I don't know how this book got published to begin with.
Days later after reading this book, I'm still crawling around on the ground looking for my brain cells. Don't let this happen to you.
© Copyright CultureCartel.com 02/22/2003
